I feel strongly that I can get my life in order- with something as simple as, "whatever you do, do it with all your heart, for God, and not for men." Well. I hope God gets my life in order, and not me, because I wouldn't know how to order colour-coded pencils. Or children's stacking cups. I think, children's stack cups. Pencils are too difficult.
Eat Me!
I love music, but God... music.. God.. music... or both. As to practical application...
If I don't at least put forth a slight effort, which is about 95.5% mental exertion PRIOR to the actual effort, (though, note, the effort doesn't count even if it is 95.5% mental exertion, unless the actual action is committed) then I've failed my Saviour.
Not in the way of swinging the pendulum, but I hate myself.
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7 comments:
Read East of Eden. Most convicting book in a long time. What is important to me, actually? Knowing other people and loving them. I have felt a lack of transparency in my relationships with others, and part of me thinks it's their fault, the other knows it's mine, but then I throw it all out in favour of waiting for somebody who "deserves" knowing me. Which is bullshit, but the kind of bullshit I let my soul survive on so I don't do something drastic.
And the book - it also taught me that taking pride in your "tragic flaw(s)" is the biggest flaw of all - and by pride I mean letting your flaw convince you that you don't deserve to live. Who says you even deserve to die, the dignity, honour and reverence of a "struggling genius?" Truly now, struggle can't lead to suicide, only egoegoego leads to it. The truly devastating death is the one that manages to live with their selfishness without growing bitter... and I think I'll keep that inside, let it work its way into my heart. If God could bother with a "sheep," if he could bear shame and sin and everything snivelling and dirty, then what right do I have to say that I can't? And then there's always the backup plan of saying "well if I can't deal with it you can God" and "doing the motions." I LOVE EAST OF EDEN.
(By the way never mistake this comment for a lecture directed at you - it was purely my confessions gushing forth. Love.)
doing the motions = pretending you care until you do (east of eden clarified the concept for me, even after aristotle and my father)
the one who manages*
i'm going to pipe up.. dear tala that was a very helpful and ecouraging comment, for me at least, i've been struggling with those issues lately..
yeah and your post jenna. you say the words of my mouth, basically.
I had nearly forgotten about this blog. Thanks for the encouraging long spiel that basically inform me I need to read East of Eden. I will, soon. **hugs to H&T**
I love you. :p
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